Friday, October 22, 2010

Tipper Gore's Comics and Stories #5 (1990) - comic book review

Halloween horror comic countdown continues...

Today's repulsively random review is for (haunted house sounding, King Diamond era Mikkey Dee drum roll please)... 1990's not so classic "Tipper Gore's Comic's and Stories" #5!

In case you're not familiar, this was a black and white anthology "horror" comic published by Revolutionary Comics, the same goofs who did those crummy comics featuring butt rock bands like Skid Row and Warrant (the Cherry Pie one obviously, although a
"The Enforcer" Warrant comic would be pretty damn cool... I love that version of "Nuns Have No Fun"! What? Oh yeah, the review. Sorry.) and mass appeal rock acts ranging from Pink Floyd to New Kids On The Block that were sold
at head shops and Sam Goody's across the country in the late 80s and early 90s, until finally (and deservedly) going belly up in the mid 90s. They made a bit of a splash by milking the press they garnered from being sued by Axl Rose, Bon Jovi and others for their unauthorized biographys, and loved to wax philosophical on all their editor pages and press releases about how they were champions of the first amendment and the Frank Zappa of independent comics, as they schlepped their over priced slick covered crap on unsuspecting and broke kids like me who could have been spending their cash on a Laaz Rockit tape, Dinosaurs Attack cards or the new issue of "Aliens", but instead got snookered into dropping the hefty (at the time) 1.95 cover price on their poly-bagged toilet paper.

Yeah, I may still be bitter since I was one of the horrorhounds who got suckered in by the pre-release hype surrounding this book and added it to my subscription pull shelf down at my local comic shop, thinking I was going to be getting a racy, bloody, heavy metal horror book along the lines of my favorites like Gore Shriek, Dead World and Dark Horse Presents. Revolutionary had hyped (in the pages of the Metallica comic they made, I didn't fucking buy the Bon Jovi one!) "TGCAS" as being a horror/EC style throwback with a name that stuck it to 80's PMRC boogey man and Dee Snyder nemesis Tipper Gore that was going to be filled with so much exploding brain splatter and chesty rocker girls that I'd have to hide it in from my mom in the back of my comics with those weird German metal mags that had Lemmy and Wurzel posing with sledge hammers and chained up topless strippers. Sadly though this was not to be.

Once the book was finally released and I picked it up on my weekly new comics day visit to Pegasus (my comic shop back in the day) I raced home and opened up the plastic bag to find that the entire budget was spent on the flashy covers (this one featuring a licensed piece from artist Robert Williams) that were the perfect lure to get zombie addicts like me to blow a crucial spot in my weekly comic budget on this crappy snooze a thon. Disappointment and buyers remorse filled the air... fool me once, right? Why the fuck I stuck it out all the way to issue 5 I really wish I could tell you, but I'm guessing the cover art was a contributing factor. The wrap around, awesome looking Robert Williams painting featuring an Alice In Wonderland looking girl being chased by a freaky, pointy metal robot in Chuck Taylor's through a dimension that consists of floating, bloody, decapitated corpses was probably just too hard for me to resist, even though at this point I knew that the stories inside where going to suck eggs. Alright, enough ancient history, let's crack this fucker open and take a look at this issues pile of steaming shit.

Upon opening, you will find "Tipper Gore's" #5 features just two measly stories, the first of which is "Rhoads Beyond", a tale of some super lame glam rock posers who hold a seance to contact Randy Rhoades, who's ghost is drawn so poorly he looks more like Susan Blu (the actress who voiced Arcee in the Transformers Movie and played the telekinetic girl's mom in Friday the 13th pt. VII). The hapless posers succeed (I guess) and one of their friends
falls to the floor and plays air guitar. He then wakes up and says he's inspired to concentrate on becoming a better guitarist! Fucking LAME. No exploding heads, no ghostly revenge, no axe murdering, no twist ending.. christ, it was 1990, seems like Randy's ghost could have at least warned these supposed metal heads about the upcoming metal ice age of the next decade! For a funny book that claims to be inspired by EC titles like "Vault Of Horror" and "Weird Tales"
this story is a huge, fart smelling whiff. Next please.

OK, If I thought that was crappy, nothing could prepare me for the horror of the next story, (and only other one in the comic) the not-so-spookily entitled "Behind Blue Eyes". Two stories for 1.95? Can you say RIP OFF? No wonder Revolutionary Comics had to pedal this garbage to burn outs buying buddah incense holders, pot leaf silk banners and Nazareth coke mirrors! Supposedly, this one is a "very special story" for the book (as the lame as fuck sounding editor rambles on and on about in the self congratulatory preface to the comic)... guess they forgot you're suppose to have an actual horror host introduce your stories, not the fucking editor!

Actually, you know what? I'm not even going to go that deep into this one
because it sucked so bad, but basically it's a ham handed and amateurishly drawn story about a guy who looks like Abe Lincoln learning about child abuse. Just
the kind of thing you want from your monster comics, right? A really serious story that involves child sexual abuse and no zombies, werewolves, spooks or specters at all!
Nice work guys.

Speaking of "Creepy" style horror hosts though, when I was reading this melodramatic junk, I was sort of hoping that when the tale ended Uncle Creepy, the Old Witch or some other horror comic bumper narrator would appear and just sort of sit there uncomfortably trying to make a pun joke with sweat running down his forehead while he smiles and adjusts his collar and tie.
"Well boys and ghouls... uh... that was certainly...uh... heh... she really got the... uh... quite a shocking... er heh heh".

Alright, end score for "Tipper Gore's Comics And Stories' #5 is 2 out 10 fucking Oscars (the 2 Oscars are just for the Robert Williams cover art, and I shouldn't even give them
that since it was part of the insidious trap that got me to buy it in the first place). Basically, this sucked so spookily bad that I threw it into the gory garbage. We can only go up from here, so let's consider this a palate cleanser for the next entry in the Fright Zone Halloween horror comic countdown!

now playing -
Autopsy - "The Tomb Within" 12 inch EP
M.A.R.S. - "Project:Driver" LP (Shrapnel Records)
Abominator - "Barbarian War Worship" double LP
Bobby Beausoleil - "Lucifer Rising" OST 4 LP box set


Anonymous Ian said...

But my Guns'n'Roses #1 is still worth big bucks, right?

12:40 PM  
Blogger Ryan S. said...

Oh, for sure! I hope you have that in a safety deposit box in a bank vault somewhere! You're not keeping it in your apartment are you???

When I found those Tipper Gore comics (sadly I have several issues) it was alongside a super crappy "Mad" style comic they made called "Barf!" as well as the Guns N Roses, Anthrax, Motley Crue, Metallica and... Warrant comics. All right! There, I admit it, I have the Warrant comic book, happy? I think that I thought it was going to be worth a lot of money and/or have sexy drawings of the girl from the Cherry Pie video.

I actually feel better admitting that. It's like I've been living a shameful lie for the past 20 years... now I can finally move on.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Yashila said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing.

Trailer Parts

11:20 PM  

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