Monday, February 28, 2011

2011 Oscar Wrap Up!

Ah the glamor, the pageantry, the Hollywood tradition, the designer outfits... who doesn't love the Oscars? Luckily this year I saw more than a few of the winning flicks, so here are some of my takes and my personal ratings. Compare them to the end results and you'll see that the Academy and I see pretty eye to eye!

Raw Meat (aka Death Line) - Creepy 70s post Hammer "cannibals in the tube" flick starring Donald Pleasence as a "Gov" type jerk/tough guy cop and Christopher Lee as a spook/MI 5 agent on the track of a serial killer or possible cannibal killer in abandoned tube stations. Directed by Gary Sherman, the guy who did the insanely great "Vice Squad", reason enough for you to run out to your local cineplex and see this right now! Great movie. 9 out of 10 fucking Oscars (available through Netflix streaming)

Altered - sounds like it's going to suck (00's era sci fi/horror from one of the Blair Witch directors), but it's not a mock-umentary and it's really fucking good.
Kind of cool take on the "Dr." Jonathen Reed alien hoax. Probably compare it to "Slither" and "The Burrowers". No CG, and great FX ta boot... even has a midget/kid in a awesome rubber alien costume. Shades of "X-tro" with subtle notes of "Laserblast". Highly entertaining.
8 out of 10 fucking Oscars (Netflix streaming)

Mutant Hunt - infamous direct to VHS Terminator/Escape From NY rip off from the 80s (Too gory for the silver screen!) that is filled with awful fx, guido cyborgs, gay porn production values, gay porn actors as the villains/heroes and the best fight scene involving a guy in tighty whities you'll see this week. The part of the budget they didn't spend on the kick ass cover art and the "melting cyborg" muppet went to the extravagant shoulder pads for the reject from "V" female villain. The main chick is hot in an 80s porn star kind of way. 8 out of 10 fucking Oscars. (Netflix streaming)

Warrior Of The Lost World (MST3k) - "Mad Max... more like Sad Max". Awesome MST3k episode with talking motorcycles, horrible Road Warrior rip offs, and the guy from Paperchase! Serious yuks. "Look out for those squibs!". Mention it here because it (and tons of other great MST3k's) are now on Netflix streaming. How fucking great is that? Fuck owning dvds.
9 out of 10 fucking Oscars. (Netflix streaming (both regular AND MST3k versions!))

Offspring - 2009 Film version of the sequel to Jack Ketchum's uber-classic 80s proto-splatterpunk cannibal novel "Off Season" from Sam Raimi's new "Ghost House" production company. Wasn't thaaat great, but it was gory and better made than most direct to dvd horror flicks. I was drinking with friends when I watched it, so it might actual stink if you were sober and alone. If you're in the mood for a cannibal version of Straw Dogs (and who isn't?) go for it. Good double feature with Raw Meat.
6.5 out of 10 fucking Oscars

The Devil's Tomb - Cuba Gooding Jr slumming it and Bill Mosley saving it in a really fucking bad Doom meets Aliens rip off. Watchable if you are with friends, drinking Old German and cracking wise. I forgot to pay attention to the explanation at the ending, but I think the Umbrella Corporation was trying to send Sam Neill on a spaceship through a black hole into hell to team up with Hellboy and some wacky sled dogs.
2 out of 10 fucking Oscars (extra Oscar for Bill Mosley negated by a subtracted Oscar for CG bullet holes/blood splatter) (Netflix streaming).

now playing -
Welcome To Venice LP (thank you Jason!)
Demolition Hammer - "Epidemic Of Violence"
Metal Duck - "Auto Ducko Destructo Mondo" LP (yes I finally go it on LP! My life is complete... it's all downhill from here on out)
No Mercy - "Widespread Bloodshed" LP
Molly Hatchet - self title LP
Tribulation - "The Horror" LP
Ozzy Osbourne - "Speak Of The Devil"


Anonymous Ian said...

True story... my dad rented Mutant Hunt back in the day and it led to a permanent ban on his rental privlages.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Ryan S. said...

It would be cool if you're dad got in a flame war with you here about Mutant Hunt. Does he get in many flame wars?

10:27 AM  
Anonymous ian said...

I don't think my dad would understand what a 'flame war' does or is.

He still might have a it. Somebody found a used VHS copy to give him for his birthday.

12:36 AM  

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